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February 2011
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A Man Called Bart (by Bartley Sawatsky)

Bs-going-away

Cleaning up my office this morning and I ran across the lyrics of what could possibly be the best song ever written about me. Actually, it's the only song ever written about me!

Back in December, Grace Community Church held a going-away tribute for my family. Bartley Sawatsky, Grace's lead pastor and my great pal and ministry partner of the last dozen years, blessed us with a singing performance of a song he'd written. Unfortunately, I do not have a video of the moment, but I do have a copy of the lyrics.  Here they are:

A Man Called Bart

First name Bart. Last name Blair
A boatload of heart. A thimble full of hair
Came to Ontario, had the world on its knees
Traded it all for a microphone and nineteen G's

[Chorus]
Bart, not so smart. But you took the part
You took the part 
Bart, not so smart. But you took the part

Bart, he could play, and Bart, he could sing
Tell you the truth, he could do most everything
Bartley had to smile, his choice looked so shrewd
A perfect cover for his own ineptitude

Bart made some friends, like the Wheelers and the Stanleys
He knew he was loved, but felt none the more manly
He started chasing girls in the manliest way-
A 10-day free trial on the Christian Cafe

Met a gal named Lisa and Bart was on the take
She sang like and angel, bit better still - she could bake!
They hardly hear the wedding bells before the ultrasound
Lisa, she was pregnant, but Bart gained 25 pounds!

[Chorus]
Bart, drop that tart. You're headed off the chart
Off the chart
Bart, drop that tart. You're headed off the chart

Bart and Lisa loved their daughter...sweet Sarah-lynn
But Bart's dream of a baseball start wasn't happenin'
Had a son named Silas, and then E-pha-rum
Gotta come form Texas to think of names that dumb :)

But Bart's brains were fine, in fact, way above par-
When he came to Grace, couldn't even play the guitar
He learned it fast and soon amassed some fans that were keen
But the love went up in smoke with the fog machine

Bart's karma at mens' retreats, well it wasn't so good
Started back when he lost all of the men in the woods
But the men of Grace take the goods with the bads
Took advantage of a paintball game to shoot Bart in the [nads]

[Chorus]
Bart,ooh that smarts. But please don't lose heart
Please don't lose heart
Bart,ooh that smarts. But please don't lose heart

So soon Bart decides that he wants to lose some weight
Forever Fit is the answer, and soon he's feeling great
Could have been the poster child, applauded and cheered
But by the time of the photo shoot, he had done disappeared

Just a popsicle stick with a beard...

And now Bart is taking his last at bat
Uprooting the family and moving to Medicine Hat
Mississauga's loss will be Alberta's gain
Tradin' in a Bartley for an Oliver-Shane

[Chorus]
Bart, have a heart, please don't go away
Don't go away
Bart, have a heart, please don't go away
Don't go away 
Bart, have a heart, please don't go away
Don't go away 
Bart, have a heart, please don't go away 


Such a Good Boy!

Eli-award2 Ephraim came home today with a new bouncy ball and a lollipop. 

"Where did you get those?" I asked.

Before he could answer, Silas piped in, "I should get a treat too, since Ephraim got one!"

"Oh, yeah? Well, what did you do to be special like me?" Ephraim asked him.

"What did you do that's so special?" Silas inquired.

"I don't know. It's in my backpack."

And in his backpack was a certificate and letter from his teachers. This is what it said:

Ephraim,

Congratulations on being this week's Leader of Tomorrow! You have been chosen this week because you always work very hard and try your best at everything you do.

We really appreciate your great work habits and the way you put first things first. You get to work quickly, and make sure to complete all of your work quickly and neatly before you play.

You are a very caring student and have quickly made friends in our classroom. You make a great effort to make deposits into your classmates' emotional bank accounts through your kind words and actions! Your kindness and great work ethic make you a wonderful role model in our classroom.

Keep up the great work, Ephraim!

Mrs. Osmond and Mrs. Stanke